Setting the Stage
I often find leaders whose mission critical changes do not provide the results they need because they are not leading their change efforts. I also see many posts from consultants asking what to do get their clients to act differently with their own people. In addition, I hear of counselors and consultants who have difficult clients who must change their ways, and they are unsure how to confront their clients. When we need to have difficult discussions with people, we would like to know how to approach the situations.
One of the keys to helping someone with a change is helping that person see the problem and to want to make it better. It is not enough that we see it; they must not only understand it, but also feel the emotions to want to make the change. People make decisions on an emotional basis, as well as a rational basis, and we need to be prepared to address both. This article includes some questions to consider, but beware; unless you are in a position of trust, you can become the dreaded messenger and the anger will be directed at you. You must set the stage that you want to have a difficult discussion and you are concerned that it might not be the time and place for it. Ask for permission and set some ground rules.
I have found it helpful to begin the discussion affirming what you both want to see achieved; to define success, the benefits of success, and perhaps the impacts of failure, and to affirm the desire for his or her success. You might also share your fears (of anger, damaging the relationship, etc.) about the discussion. This helps establish ground rules. Given these concerns, asking, “How can we have this discussion safely?” It is critical that you are either invited, or have permission to proceed with the interview before continuing. Then, the issues can be discussed and positioned as a problem areas or barriers.
The Structure
The following framework is familiar and comfortable for me. It was developed by Prosci, a leader in research and best practices in change management. (I am certified in this methodology and have found wide use among my clients; not only on an individual level, but for the organization as well.)
- Awareness Raising the person’s understanding of the situation, the need for change and the
contrast between the desired and current behaviors and results. Providing compelling
data and information are essential for them to separate you, the messenger, from the
problem or opportunity.
- Desire Building the motivation to make the change and their desire for your help. Keep in
mind, this may take some time; don’t try to fix this in one setting if you are initially met
with anger or denial.
- Knowledge Providing a foundational knowledge base, or grasp of the behavior and needed
skills to make the change. This level of learning is often obtained via an introductory
session, book, video or workshop.
- Ability Developing the capabilities, experiences, confidence, and skills to make the
needed change. To obtain this level of ability, takes time, practice and often coaching
and mentoring.
- Reinforcement Recognizing and encouraging the new behavior, providing rewards and positive
consequences for desired actions, and if necessary, negative consequences for lack
of change.
This article will focus on the first three steps, since if they don’t go well, the last two are irrelevant.
The Conversations
Some of your dialog might include the following types of comments and questions. Remember this must be done in a style that you are comfortable with and one that leverages the relationship you already have with this person.
Initially, you need to ensure the person is aware of the situation:
•
"How do you feel things are going/went?”
•“Can you share with me what makes you feel that way?”
•"How would you know if there was a problem?”
•“May I share what I have heard from others?” Provide data from the organization, from competitors,
trending information, or quotes from people important to this person.
Next, discuss their desire to make a change and consider the cause and the impact of the problem:
•“What is the impact (on the organization, customers, family, etc.) of this problem?”
•“How would it affect you?” Get as personal as your relationship will allow.
•"How do you feel about that?”
•"Do you feel like you should change? Why, tell me more."
•"Have you ever tried to change in the past?"
•"What were the reasons for not changing?"
•"What would keep you from changing at this time?"
•"Is there anything I can do to help you?"
Thirdly, consider what small changes he or she might make to begin acquiring knowledge:
•"What might help you; can we brainstorm some ideas?”
•"What things (people, programs and behaviors) have helped you in the past?"
•"Are there things you feel that you could do at this time?"
•"If there were, what would they be?”
•“Which of these ideas do you think makes the most sense?”
•“What are some small steps you could take?”
•“Is there any tool you’d need, or skill that you can begin to learn about?”
•“Let’s agree to read that book, watch that video, attend that session, etc.; does that sound reasonable?”
The above three discussions are the hardest to have. This does not mean the ability and reinforcement stages are not important. In fact, they are critical to implementing and sustaining the behavior change. Most often, however, I am asked about how to get started in the discussion, because that is where we experience the biggest challenges.
A Caution
Again, I caution the reader, as this can often be very, very touchy and can backfire. Depending on the relationship you have and the impact on the desired result, it may be worth the risk, as the reward might be great for them personally as well as the people affected by their actions.
Please contact ECM Expert Change Management if you,
or someone you know, would like to discuss the above.
Speaking Topics:
Bob’s recent and planned speaking topics include:
• Financials, Strategic Thinking and Change Management
• Maximize the results of your Consulting by Managing the Resistance to Change!
• Managing People’s Acceptance, Adoption, and Sustainment of Change
• Developing and Implementing Strategic Ideas; From Seeds to Harvested Results
• The Critical Requirement for Leading, as well Managing, Change
Bob Dodge can be reached at 303 550-0101
bdodge@expertchangemanagement.com
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